devil.all.around

This is called Scream. It's from LookBook.

when i feel guilt or anger i get introspective. that's this. in case you're wondering. that's what this is.

coping. mechanism.

creativity(self-indulgence) spurt.

I need to reassure myself that I am good. To be good. To be ok. And to be fine. What a load of shit.

Maybe I just need to listen to happy music?

Not Cat Power or PJ Harvey? Maybe Beyonce or Katy Perry would do me good. Proceeds to throw self off cliff into cold, cold sea. Ah, reprise.


I always talk about my favourite book ever. It's still Sylvia Plath's diaries. Yet, I've never been able to finish it. It overcomes me. I feel like I am reading my own words. It terrifies me and mutes my mind.


I find reading difficult. I can read very quickly and I find it gratifying. But for such a small period of time. Afterwards I feel vacant and still. Like it never happened. Dan Brown and the like.


So reading, not the answer. Music. Obviously the answer. But what else.... what else.... writing?


Is it a rebirth, is it a return to old habits, is it the final renaissance?


Jot. I feel like I need to do something with all the words. The words which come only when I attack a keyboard or pen. Otherwise there is nothing but stillness and silent frustration. Mutated and violated by music. Forced into emotion. Manipulated and undermined.

I want to hide. I want to run. I want to see and be seen. I want to dress up. I want to be naked. I am cliched and unforgivable. You are better than me. We are together. Upstairs. Look.

Why can't public art be bigger and better?

That ain't the issue. The issue is life.

I save thing in my favourites and forget about them. That's no way to treat them.

Red wine will save the day. I love books. There is this wonderful black and white geometrical sort of shaped bookshop in the arrabida shopping centre. It's lovely. And I want to buy books about wine and cookery. And architecture. I love all of those things but I have no patience. That's my problem. Patience, discipline and motivation. I am lacking all three. I have lost them and I need to find them. Please. Help me.





eccentricity ain't so bad. we can live with that.
i've hidden things for you to find. not very well, but still. click and do stuff.